Spread your Wings

Life is interesting. I know that sounds terribly cliché but who’s to say that clichés don’t have their importance? No, really though. Life is interesting. It has its up and down turns, it has its surprises both good and bad, well, even downright ugly when you think about it.

One year later and my little girl is that much older. She has eight teeth and counting, she loves to laugh, still. She is a marvel, a joy and has personality enough to suck the air right out of your lungs. She makes me happy, giddy even. I miss her when I am away from her and look forward to seeing her at the end of the day… when I do get to see her, the smile she gives me just takes the tiredness right out of my body.

So, I am happy.

My life is not perfect. Not even close. But it is mine and I am quite happy with it.

Mister baby daddy is easily one of my best friends. Sure, we have our fights, I get fed up, he gets angry, I get moody and we both get to that point where we wonder if it’s all worth it but we remain friends. Steadfast and true. Perhaps that’s our saving grace. Well, that and all that we have been through. I can tell you outright that it’s been quite a bit, the stuff we have gone through. But, it’s in no way truly unique to us. Perhaps our issues have our very own twist but I think that other people go through the very same, or worse, every day.

And the questions I ask myself, aside from ‘Is it worth it?’ are ‘I’m I true to myself and I’m I in this alone?’ Most of the time, the answers are yes and no respectively. That, I believe, makes all the difference.

Now I look forward to everything. I look forward to going to my new job, which I like, and driving my not-so-new car, which I also really like. I look forward to talking to Mister (and we talk all the time) and meeting him, and spending time with both he and our little girl. I look forward to my daughter’s smiles and giggles, her bath time, her bedtime. I look forward to everything.

I also mourn the things that I have had to give up. For instance, the friends from whom I have drawn apart. You see, things work themselves out in a way that friendships end, sometimes with good reasons and vice versa, or they end just because it really is time for them to end. Somehow, I have learnt to walk away from it all, pride intact, memories tucked away nice, warm and safe and again, I look forward to new things further down the line.

I mourn also, the tough choices that I have HAD to make, choices that I stand by but which can still make me cry a bucketful but choices that were altogether painful, necessary and timely.

April is a good and bad month for me.

I will, however, focus on why it is good. It is the month my little girl was born after a failed induction and an emergency cesarean section.

It is a rainy month here and with the rain comes planting season. In this period, as we plant maize and potatoes, I carry my tools and set out to plant too. I get into the little garden that is my soul and I sow seeds of trust, seeds of hope, seeds of optimism, seeds of dreams. I am sure that when harvest time gets here, given that I will take out the weeds and tend my little plants, I shall have every right to expect a bounty harvest.

Cheers to looking forward.

I guess my writing mojo is back :)