Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart

I am grateful that I have a lovely daughter,
That she is healthy, vibrant, happy and full of life
I am grateful that she has so much ahead of her
And I am grateful that I get to see her marvel at life
Every single day.

I am grateful that I have a loving partner,
Who suffers my quirks and encourages my strengths
Who stays even when I push him away
I am grateful that we have worked through so many of
Our differences and that we steadily continue to do so
Slowly, with grace (or without) and with friendship
I am grateful that he has changed so much,
That his strengths are ever more so
His patience so enduring
His love, completely engulfing
I feel safe, cherished and loved.

I am grateful that I have come so far
That I have been able to forgive
and then had the grace to receive it too
I am grateful that a year that began with anxiety
Now ends in promise.

I am grateful that my best friend got married on Saturday
And that her lovely little girl finally has someone to call dad
A father who loves her, pays attention to her and is truly there.

I am grateful that my cucu is still with us,
A hundred years plus and plus, and still counting
And I can’t wait to see her tomorrow
I am grateful for parents, my 8 siblings
And all my 12 nephews and nieces.

I am grateful that I have a good job and that the bills get paid

I am grateful that some of the IDP’s left homeless
After suffering violence and pain that cannot be recounted,
Following tribal hostilities wrought by a disputed election two years ago,
Are getting into new homes by Christmas.

I am truly grateful.

It has been a remarkable year
I am grateful for everything I have experienced,
Everything I have learned, let go of, gained and lost
And I look forward to another year with great hope
Imani, Amani, Baraka
Faith, Peace, Blessings, everyone,
Happy Holidays.

Incredible Year

It has been too long. So much has happened: births, deaths, anniversaries, weddings, divorces… many steps forward and a few steps back.

It has been an incredible year too.

Obama is President.

My little girl walked on January 23, a few days after the inauguration that we all watched, transfixed, uplifted and hopeful.

She turned one in April, cut most of her teeth, outgrew many cute little outfits, cried some, laughed more and brought such unspeakable joy to so many people.

I started a new job, travelled to Europe for the first time, enrolled in graduate school and moved in with someone that has transformed right before my eyes.

I got a new car, made some new friends, lost a lot of weight and then gained some of it back, lost touch with old friends and rekindled forgotten friendships.

An incredible year indeed.

But, it has been awfully long. I do not read as much as I would like, or watch as many movies as I used to. My life is completely transformed… the labels grown up, mature, mom, wife even, all sound strange but I pick each cap and wear it with pride. Sometimes I have to don several caps all at once. Never mind that they are mismatched and sometimes even conflicting. Hiding from my little girl so I can study or cram for exams, get up early to make pancakes when my body aches for more and more sleep, turning down family events because I have to stay with my own little family…tiny conflicts, each teaching you something new.

It is no longer just about my happiness or my dreams and plans. It’s all encompassing and so widely scoped it’s a small miracle it does not all come crashing down.

I am blessed and I am happy.

It has been a truly incredible year.

The other half promises a better year next year. We’ll move houses, perhaps we’ll have an additional member in our tightly knit unit. Perhaps.

But, whatever life throws our way, I am confident that we’ll be alright. I look forward to it all, chaff and gems, muck, mire and treasure.

Happy Holidays.

Spread your Wings

Life is interesting. I know that sounds terribly cliché but who’s to say that clichés don’t have their importance? No, really though. Life is interesting. It has its up and down turns, it has its surprises both good and bad, well, even downright ugly when you think about it.

One year later and my little girl is that much older. She has eight teeth and counting, she loves to laugh, still. She is a marvel, a joy and has personality enough to suck the air right out of your lungs. She makes me happy, giddy even. I miss her when I am away from her and look forward to seeing her at the end of the day… when I do get to see her, the smile she gives me just takes the tiredness right out of my body.

So, I am happy.

My life is not perfect. Not even close. But it is mine and I am quite happy with it.

Mister baby daddy is easily one of my best friends. Sure, we have our fights, I get fed up, he gets angry, I get moody and we both get to that point where we wonder if it’s all worth it but we remain friends. Steadfast and true. Perhaps that’s our saving grace. Well, that and all that we have been through. I can tell you outright that it’s been quite a bit, the stuff we have gone through. But, it’s in no way truly unique to us. Perhaps our issues have our very own twist but I think that other people go through the very same, or worse, every day.

And the questions I ask myself, aside from ‘Is it worth it?’ are ‘I’m I true to myself and I’m I in this alone?’ Most of the time, the answers are yes and no respectively. That, I believe, makes all the difference.

Now I look forward to everything. I look forward to going to my new job, which I like, and driving my not-so-new car, which I also really like. I look forward to talking to Mister (and we talk all the time) and meeting him, and spending time with both he and our little girl. I look forward to my daughter’s smiles and giggles, her bath time, her bedtime. I look forward to everything.

I also mourn the things that I have had to give up. For instance, the friends from whom I have drawn apart. You see, things work themselves out in a way that friendships end, sometimes with good reasons and vice versa, or they end just because it really is time for them to end. Somehow, I have learnt to walk away from it all, pride intact, memories tucked away nice, warm and safe and again, I look forward to new things further down the line.

I mourn also, the tough choices that I have HAD to make, choices that I stand by but which can still make me cry a bucketful but choices that were altogether painful, necessary and timely.

April is a good and bad month for me.

I will, however, focus on why it is good. It is the month my little girl was born after a failed induction and an emergency cesarean section.

It is a rainy month here and with the rain comes planting season. In this period, as we plant maize and potatoes, I carry my tools and set out to plant too. I get into the little garden that is my soul and I sow seeds of trust, seeds of hope, seeds of optimism, seeds of dreams. I am sure that when harvest time gets here, given that I will take out the weeds and tend my little plants, I shall have every right to expect a bounty harvest.

Cheers to looking forward.

I guess my writing mojo is back :)